Suddenly My Baby is a Little Girl

I am entering yet another new chapter in my crazy life and I am doing so with incredibly mixed emotions.   It seems as though my baby has turned into a little girl overnight....

Our little Emma has developed a distinct personality and is starting to turn into a toddler.  Don't be deceived by the lack of hair.  :-) She's making calculated decisions, discovering her surroundings, and expressing emotions.  She claps when she's happy and proud and cries when trying to manipulate situations.  She's amazing. 

I'm excited for her.  She is so happy exploring things on her own and developing new skills.  The selfish part in me is a little sad that I'm already losing the little baby we brought home from the hospital.  I'm sad that she won't be depending on me every second of every day.  Sad that this is only the beginning of a whirlwind of change.  However, it's awesome to be a part of it.  :-)  I'm blessed to be able to share each of these new steps with this beautiful little girl. 

A Highchair Nap? Why not?

My daughter has a very strict eating schedule.  She is exactly like her mother.  When she is hungry, everyone better get out of the way and let her eat!  If not, all hell breaks loose.  You can imagine my surprise when she didn't finish her afternoon meal today.

Emma will be 5 months old in a little over a week and has been drinking 2 bottles in the morning, eating a meal (cereal and some baby food) in the afternoon, and 2 more bottles in the evening for about 3 weeks.  This is her routine, and she never deviates from it.  However, she must be going through a growth spurt at the moment because she's been sleeping more than usual.  I know she's sleepy, but I never expected her to fall asleep in her high chair... while eating.

The cutest part?  Her eyes were closed, and she appeared to be asleep, but she continued to open her mouth for more "bites".  Again, she's just like her mother.  I can just imagine what she was thinking....  "Soooo sleepy... sooooo sleepy... but... must... keep... eating...mmmm...applesauce....mmmm...."  Alas, she had to give up sometime.

She is so cute.  I just wiped the applesauce debris from her chubby cheeks and let her sleep.

Postpartum Stress Syndrome: Angry New Mom?

As mothers, we are all familiar with postpartum depression.  Most hospitals make us speak with a social worker before granting us release.  This is supposed to ensure we are aware of the signs and know whom to contact to get help.  When my daughter was born, I was so incredibly happy to have a healthy baby (after a problematic and terrifying delivery) that I couldn't even fathom being depressed.  Since Emma's birth, I've found myself increasingly happy when with my child.  I've battled depression my entire life, but Emma has finally taught me what it feels like to literally be OK.  When I'm with her, for the first time EVER, I am honestly 100% happy.

The second I put her down and attempt cleaning, cooking, tending to my blog, perusing my Facebook, leaving my house, or even look at my dog... I am overwhelmed with anger.  I just assumed my confrontational side had gotten worse as a result of being cooped up in the house all day and being away from all friends and family.  Because my husband has to work diligently to manage his anger as well, I decided to do some research about teaching children how to cope with anger issues.   If Emma is anything like her parents, she will need to know how to express herself in healthy ways.

However, while researching, I found a link to "Is Anger a Sign of Postpartum Depression", at BabyCenter, and began reading.  Oh my goodness!  Apparently, if you are experiencing anger without the other major symptoms of postpartum depression, you could be dealing with Postpartum Stress Syndrome.  Why haven't I heard of this before?  Why didn't the social worker or doctors mention this at the hospital?

If you think you might be dealing with an uncharacteristically new anger problem, visit the link above.  There is a thorough description about the stress syndrome and many firsthand accounts from other moms who have responded to the link.

My Personal Struggle:
I never get angry with my baby; I do find myself frustrated with my husband; but most obviously, I HATE everyone else in the entire world.  I absolutely have no tolerance for ignorant comments, "friends" who don't talk to me for more than a day, anyone who posts a stupid (and I am the only authority on what is appropriate and what isn't) status on Facebook, dramatic girls, exaggerations, gossip... ANYTHING.  The slightest movement, unnecessary noise, annoying voice, or even an idiot walking down the street causes me to lose it.  This evening, it took every single bit of will-power I had left in me to refrain from yelling through my window at this moron in my neighborhood.  Why?  Because he stopped and petted my neighbors' dog for far too long.  I realize how ridiculous that sounds, but honestly, I was shaking with anger as I watched him.  Oh, and the pitying looks I receive from neighbors as I take my daughter for walks?  **Shutter**  Yes, because staying home with my child must mean I'm lonely and depressed.  I want to punch them in their ugly, condescending faces.  There is so much rage in my body.  I've been saying for weeks that I just need to find a good fight and get it out of my system.  I'm attacking people (verbally) left and right for no reason at all.  Well, I think I have adequate reason, but no one else seems to agree.  I just feel like I have gone insane and lost all control of myself.

What bothers me the most is that I've lost the person I used to be.  I deeply care about everyone I come in contact with, and I have a huge heart.  If I'm around someone who is sad or crying, I'm sad and crying too.  I think I empathize with people very well.  I'm always the first to defend others and try to rationalize why people act the way they do....  What is happening to me?  I'm turning into an angry, cynical, judgmental psychopath.  I don't want to be this person.

I know I should be embarrassed about the way I'm feeling and keep it to myself, but if there are other moms out there who are in similar situations, I want you to know you are not alone.  Seeking some sort of therapy is crucial to overcoming this issue.  Obviously, if you are taking the anger out on your child or even in front of your child, finding a way to help yourself is extremely urgent.  If you have no idea where to turn, try to find all of the stuff you brought home from the hospital.  There are phone numbers to call in all of those packets.  If you don't find what you're looking for on the first try, I'm sure the people you speak to will refer you to someone who can help.  If you have no numbers to call, Google your city, "postpartum", and "psychologist".  You'll be able to find something.  Lastly, if you're like me and can't get to a therapist for help, try to Google coping strategies and do your best to practice them on your own.

When to Start Feeding Your Baby Cereal

All babies are different and develop at different paces.  From what I have gathered from our pediatrician, babies are ready to begin eating cereal once they can sit up with little support.  Our doctor recommended waiting until 4 months of age to begin cereal but said some babies are ready earlier.

Obvious signs your baby is ready to try cereal:

• Sits with little to no support
• Makes chewing motions with mouth
• Brings tongue back and forth 
• Teething

Our pediatrician is a mother herself and believes moms know best when it comes to their kids.  If your child is ready for cereal before 4 months of age, it is ok.  You just need to take it very slowly.  Some doctors recommend rice cereal first as it is easier on the stomach than oatmeal.  Also, be prepared for your baby to be a little constipated as he or she adjusts to the new diet.  

Remember, your baby still receives most of his or her nutrients from breast milk or formula until about 6 months of age.  If you're starting cereal at 4 months, the baby should still receive about 4 bottles each day.  

According to the Age-By-Age Guide to Feeding Your Baby at Baby Center, you should not move onto pureed baby foods until 6 months.  I think this depends on the baby as well.  My child is on the larger side of the growth scale, and our doctor said she should start eating baby food after just 2 weeks with the cereal.  Some babies need time to adjust, and some move more quickly.  Some babies are picky, and some will eat anything.  My daughter is picky.  Oatmeal and Banana is her favorite so far.  She also likes the rice.   : )

Be patient as you teach your little one to eat from a spoon.  Wear a poncho.  Be prepared to clean up a sticky mess.  As always, praise the little guy when he eats correctly from the spoon.  I'm not sure how long it is supposed to take for the babies to get used to the spoon.  My kid got the hang of it today, so it took her about a week.  Good luck with the transition, and don't get mad when he sticks his hand in his mouth as you drop in a spoonful of cereal!

Should I Stay With My Partner for the Sake of the Baby?

Unfortunately, many new mothers find themselves battling this issue in addition to the stresses of caring for a baby.  After receiving yet another message from a dear friend regarding her relationship with the father of her child, I have decided to voice my opinion on the subject.  I will, undoubtedly, upset someone out there in the internet world; however, this only means that I am correct in my assessment of his or her relationship.  For convenience, I will be referring to the "bad guy" in these particular relationships as the father of the child.  Obviously, it works both ways.  There are many unfit mothers out there who should allow the caring fathers to have custody of their children as well.  


Now, if you are finding yourself in an unhealthy relationship with the father of your child, I ask you to picture the following and ask yourself the questions below:


Your daughter is 18 and ready to marry the love of her life.  You are ready to say goodbye to that little girl you have raised the best that you could.  Now, picture her soon-to-be husband... and his relationship with your daughter.  It is exactly like your relationship with her father.  Is this how you want your daughter to be treated?  Do you want her to be with a man who treats her exactly (or worse) than her father treats you?  Because this is EXACTLY what will happen. If you think I'm wrong, go ahead and watch it play out for yourself.  It works the same way for boys.  Picture your son.  Do you want him to treat his future girlfriend or wife the way his father treats women?  Because he will.  Children model the behaviors they see.  After a lifetime of practice from the 2 people they love the most, why would they do anything differently?  If your child never experiences a healthy relationship firsthand, how would he or she know what to expect? 


The above paragraph might sound harsh, but this issue affects me deeply.  I will not go into detail, but my biological father treated my mother horribly.  He ended up leaving when I was almost 5 years old, and I thank God every day for giving my mother the strength to end her relationship with my dad.  I know it was insanely difficult for my mom to take on the responsibility of caring for my sister and me by herself.  She had no money and had to have been terrified to raise her little girls all alone, but she was determined.  She worked incredibly hard and did the best she could to make sure we were ok.


Until I was able to develop a strong relationship with my step-father, I just expected all men to be like my dad.  I pushed everyone away, became calloused, and was a very depressed young woman.  However, because my mother was able to pull herself out of the horrible situation with my father, I eventually learned that I didn't have to allow men to treat me that way.  I learned to expect more for myself.  Most importantly, I learned that I deserved to be treated better.  The best thing my mom EVER did for my sister and me was divorcing our father.  I hate to think what my life would be like today if I had spent anymore time witnessing their tumultuous relationship.  I am blessed to have such a strong mom.  


I'm not saying life was easy after my dad left.  Like any little kid growing up with an absent father, I wondered what I had done to make him stay away.  I wondered why he didn't want to spend time with me.  I wondered what was so terribly wrong with me that could have made my own father not love me.  It was difficult for a long time, but as I grew up and discovered myself, I made peace with things.  I'm so grateful for the way my life turned out.  I am a stronger person because of what I have been through, and I am proud of who I am.  Now that I have my own daughter, I would NEVER let her see me in an abusive relationship (verbally or physically) because I want her to know she deserves better.  


So... my point?  Yes, it sucks that children have to grow up without both parents, but that doesn't mean it isn't the best thing for your kids.  Sometimes, 2 people come together for a period of time and grace the world with amazing children.  Sometimes, those 2 people are better parents when they're separated.  That doesn't mean the kids are not important blessings, full of purpose.  They'll be fine.  It will take time, but they'll be better off if they don't have to witness the abuse.  When permitted to continue, it is an endless cycle.   

Does your baby have chapped skin?

My daughter's incredibly chubby cheeks frequently get in her way, leaving them highly susceptible to irritation.  She has sensitive skin, seems to be allergic to everything, and her poor cheeks are always red and dry.

I have been applying Aquaphor Healing Ointment, from Eucerin, to the affected areas 4 to 5 times a day.  This has helped keep her cheeks moisturized, but the irritation is always there.  The Aquaphor makes it better but doesn't completely rid the problem.  At our check-up the other day, our pediatrician noticed the redness and suggested hydrocortizone cream.

I would have never thought to use hydrocortizone on my baby's face and was weary of it at first.  However, after just a tiny, little dab on each cheek, her face has completely cleared up!  I will continue to use the Aquaphor after baths and before bed to prevent the dryness from returning, but the hydrocortizone was a great tip.  I only had to use it once and barely put any on her not-so-little cheeks.  Give it a try if your kid has dry skin.  It might help!   : )

Oh, and for all of my pregnant friends out there, register for Aquaphor.  It's a little expensive but has many uses.  It seems like you can get free samples at a lot of baby related stores.  The Aquaphor samples are small but last a long time.  Keep your eyes peeled for the freebies!  

Growth Charts for Babies

Scenario #1
Stranger:  "Aw, your baby is so cute!  How old is she?  About 7 months?"
Me:  "7 months?!  Hah, no.  She's barely 3 months old."
Stranger:  "Oh, I'm sorry.  I (stuttering), I didn't mean anything..."

The conversation trails off with said stranger apologizing and me thinking he has nothing to apologize for....

Scenario #2
Setting:  Backyard barbeque with old work colleagues
Friend:  "How old is she?"
Me:  "3 months."
Friend:  (after staring at my child like there is something terribly wrong with her)  "Wow, she's big."  (followed by yet another long pause to stare at my freak child)
The friend seemed to be genuinely concerned about the size of my daughter.

Interactions like those listed above happen every single time we leave our house.  People have commented so much about my daughter's size that I just go ahead and bring it up first in order to get it over with.  Yes, I have a big baby.  Look at me.  Look at my husband.  I would be worried if she did not have fat rolls everywhere.

Now, I know my daughter is healthy.  I know she doesn't eat more than babies her age are supposed to eat; and I know she is built EXACTLY like my husband.  Yet, somehow I've let all of the "your baby is fat" stares and comments worry me.

Yesterday, my daughter had her 4 month check-up with the pediatrician.  I had been eagerly awaiting this particular appointment to make sure our baby isn't unhealthily large.  Four months and 4 days into her little life, she weighed in at 15lbs, 14 oz and measured 25" long.  Weight, length, and head circumference all fall in the 90s for growth percentile.  The nurse ran the tests, took the measurements, and went to tell the doctor we were ready for her.  As my husband and I waited, we had a minute to mull over the fact that our barely 4 month old little girl weighs almost 16lbs.  I know she's gotten heavier, but I had no idea she weighed that much.

The doctor quickly entered the tiny examination room and was a delight as always.  She loves Emma (as I'm sure she loves all of her patients) and gave her a clean bill of health.  "She's perfect.  Whatever you're doing, keep doing it."  : )

I almost felt ridiculous for asking, but I did.  "Is she too big?"  The doctor reaffirmed my beliefs that she is perfectly fine.  She's bigger than a lot of 4 month old babies, but she is proportionate and obviously has our genes.  : )  She does fall in the 90s when compared to other babies, but that doesn't mean she's a freak.  It means she is at least as big or bigger than 90% (or 98%) of other babies her age.  There are still babies out there who are bigger than she.

After a wonderful visit to the pediatrician, I have this to say to everyone who gives me a hard time about my kid:

Again, my kid is big.  Look at me.  Look at my husband.  Now, get over it.

No longer will I just jump into a discussion of my baby's size every time I go out.  : )  She's healthy, happy, and perfect.

If you would like to track your baby's growth, click here for an interactive growth chart.  Plug in your information, and the website will generate an accurate growth chart for your child.  If you haven't seen a growth chart or would like to read more about what the chart represents, click here.  If you have a baby who is perfectly average in size, congratulations!  If you're like me and have a baby who is a little big or even a little small, don't let those averaged sized baby mothers, bully you!  : )

Help Your Baby Become a Genius! : )

Motor Skills & Hand-Eye Coordination
Well, maybe your baby won't become a genius, but I have a few tips and tricks to share that will help your little one develop motor skills and hand-eye coordination.  According to age based milestones, my child shouldn't be able to grasp hanging toys just yet.   That is supposed to happen between 4 and 8 months.  However, Emma started grasping the toys hanging from her bouncer and play mat at just 2 weeks into her 3rd month.

Babies typically start batting at toys at 3 months.  Emma (probably on accident) started very early.  I am a high school teacher by trade and have no experience teaching babies or small children, but I do know that positive reinforcement is a fantastic teaching method.  I thought I would try it with Emma even though she's "supposed" to be too young to accomplish certain tasks.  As soon as I saw that first attempt at batting the little hanging hippo, I kissed her little hand and made lots of high pitched, excited sounds.  Then, I took her hand and held it to the hippo a few more times, kissing her hand each time.  Once we practiced a few times, she began swatting at it frequently.  Every time I saw her doing it, I would kiss her hand and praise her.  After a day or two, she was batting at every hanging toy she could find.  it was only a couple of weeks before she was able to grasp them.  Of course, upon her first grasp, the kisses and praise were abundant.  Now, she is much more skilled at grasping than before, but she still has a few more days to go before reaching 4 months of age and is learning to do new things every day.  Positive reinforcement is the key.

As I am an English teacher, and a total dork, I've been reading to Emma since she was born.  Every time we turn a page, I take her hand and ask her to help me.  I know she has no idea what I'm talking about and can't actually turn pages, but a few weeks ago, she started doing it on her own.  Maybe it's a total fluke, and she is just swatting at the pages, but she turns them in right direction and stops once a new page appears.  I used the same technique with the page turning as I did with the grasping.  She receives lots of praise and little hand kisses.  : )

Language Development
You can also use positive reinforcement to help your baby develop and understand language.  Most babies know what Mommy or Daddy means right away because of the repetition and consistency in faces.  You can use repetition to teach other words very early as well.  Another word Emma recognizes is "kisses".  Obviously, Emma receives lots of kisses from her mommy and daddy.  This sounds really silly, but in her 2nd month, I would ask her if she wanted "some kisses" and make kiss sounds.  I follow up with a kiss on the cheek.  We repeat this pattern numerous times a day, and now, she starts smiling and bracing for impact at the sound of the word alone.  Because of the repetition in sounds and actions, she is able to recognize the word.  If you're diligent in practicing, you could do this with any object or action.  : )

I know most of what I'm saying is common sense, and this next one is definitely obvious, but it never hurts to have a reminder.  : )  Repeat what your baby "says" to you.  As soon as Emma started making noises, I repeated them back to her so she would know that there is some sort of purpose for all of these sounds. Now, we have conversations every day.  I may have even created a monster.  She probably spends a total of 4 hours a day babbling.

*** Just be careful not to repeat incorrect words when your child is actually speaking and forming sentences.  When toddlers are learning vocabulary, they think they say words correctly but will naturally miss a pronunciation here and there.  Adults think it's cute when little kids say things incorrectly, so they copy the child.  This can be confusing for the child who is learning the words and thinks he or she is saying them the right way.  If the child hears you copying the incorrect pronunciation, he or she tries to copy you again and the correct pronunciation is lost.  *** I learned this during my short time as a psychology major at IU.    

Felt So Guilty Today

My daughter and I have a strict morning schedule.  I hear her through the monitor at around 5:30 am.  She wiggles violently in her crib until I pick her up.  If I get her right away (before the eyes begin to open), I can hold her in bed and get another hour or two of sleep.  Judge me all you want, but an extra hour or two of sleep is well worth the tiny visitor in the bed.

She'll be 4 months old in 6 days, and up until this past week, I had not slept through the night since well before she was born.  Even then, sleep was a rarity.  However, last week, I gave in.  The monitor clearly works, we have a pretty set schedule, nothing is going to happen to her while she's sleeping... she's fine.  I can sleep.

Sleep is great by the way.  : )  I had missed it terribly.  Last night's sleep was the best yet.  My head hit the pillow, and I was out.

"Jen, I just checked on her, and she's wide awake."

"What?"

"Emma's awake.  Her eyes are open, and she's just chillin' in her crib."

My husband wakes me up, and I look at the clock as I try to process what he's saying.  It's 6:47???  How is this possible?  Then, I look at the monitor, and IT'S OFF!  What?  How is it off?  More importantly, how did I not hear her?  She had to have been crying.  I wasn't there to rescue her from the wiggling as she woke.  After all those nights of no sleep for worry of missing even a blip of a cry, I had missed an entire morning of grunts and whines.

The sad thing is, I was way more upset than the Emma was.  She was perfectly happy in that crib.  She smiled when she saw me, just like she always does when she wakes up.  She probably didn't even cry.  I felt like the worst mother in the world, and still swear to never sleep again, but she was fine.

Sometimes, I think I need her more than she needs me.  : )

Just Look at the Little One

I love my daughter.  I know parents always say they love their kids and that it's a different kind of love, but you have no idea until it happens to you.  There is no way to describe it.  It consumes your soul in a way that you would have never thought possible....

My time today with the wee one was wonderful.  This particular wave of the teething phase is temporarily at a pause, and I have my happy, little girl back.  It was such a fun day.  Then... I talk to adults... old colleagues, friends, my husband.  Instantly, I'm overwhelmed with CRAP.  Their day sucked, so my evening now has to suck.  I get caught up in the nonsense and angry at ridiculous situations that are beyond my control.

I begin to forget about my awesome day.  Then, the baby lets out a whimper in her sleep, and I rush to her side.  I look at her perfect little face, big, chubby cheeks, silly little sleeping grin, and she brings me back.

Taking Advantage of Nap Time

The little one is asleep.  Now, what do I do?  I need to clean, do laundry, wash dishes, and I should probably eat something.  Lord knows I need to take a shower.  Bleh.  I don't want to do any of those things.  I'm exhausted.  I feel guilty, but I want to sleep too....

There are so many things to do when the baby is asleep.  I remember before being discharged from the hospital, the doctor telling me to eat and sleep when I had the opportunity.  Eating was to come before anything else.  And sleep was supposed to be the next best thing.  We all know that doesn't happen.  Eating is the last thing on your mind when taking care of your baby all day.  And sleep?  It sounds amazing until you look at your house.

It's the baby's first nap of the day.  You're looking around, trying to figure out what to do next, and you see your husband's work clothes on the floor from when he came home late and changed the second he walked in the door.  You see the little bit of dishes you left in the sink from last night, the piles of laundry (dirty and clean because you hate to fold), the baby toys scattered across the living room, the vacuum cleaner waiting to be used, and you get up.  I know what the experts say.  Eat and sleep.  I agree that this is what you should do if you're a brand new mom.  However,  after the first week or two, it's time to be realistic.  As much as you need rest, you're going to push yourself, overdo it, and be even more drained.  If you attempt to organize your time, you can make the best of it and maybe work in a good nap.  : )

My baby's naps are generally at similar times each day, but I'm lucky if they last 20 minutes.  These are the goals I set for different times of the day, but I can fit in more activities if I feel ambitious enough.

Morning Naps

• Throw in a load of laundry
• Straighten up the house
• Wash bottles and then any dishes that might be left in the sink (no dishwasher)

Afternoon Nap

• Me time (whatever I want to do)
• Maybe a short nap for myself
• Start planning dinner?

Evening Nap (a few hours before bed time) 

• Start dinner
• Dishes (again)
• Finish laundry

I know my schedule may not be for everyone, but I do believe that trying to organize your time will help you get through the day and feel that you've accomplished something.  Don't try to take on too many tasks at once.  I've done it.  You're just exhausted the next day.  Being a mom is a full time job.  If you try to space out your chores, it's much easier to enjoy the time you have with your little one.  Remember why you're staying at home.  Don't stress yourself out about cleaning and trying to get everything taken care of right away.  You don't want to be feeding the baby and wishing she would hurry and eat so you can finish whatever you were doing.  She won't be this little much longer.  : )