PPD or PPSS: Finding a Solid Support System

If you have read my previous posts, you might have gathered that I seem to be finding myself confronting a bit of Postpartum Depression or Postpartum Stress Syndrome.  I am not having difficulty with depression but am experiencing the other symptoms connected with PPD or PPSS.  Since the birth of our daughter, I've been coping with insomnia, anxiety, intense guilt, and uncontrollable anger.

I've written about my experiences with insomnia and anger in previous posts and have done quite a bit of research on the subject.  As we live 2.5 hours away from the nearest city and are on a very tight budget, I am not currently able to seek therapy or see a doctor for anti-depressants (which I don't want anyway).

My husband and I are trying to cope with things on our own at the moment.  I think it is important to note that I am not angry or disconnected from my baby AT ALL.  If that were the case, I would seek help from a professional regardless of cost.  Coping with things on our own hasn't necessarily been the easiest or best way to handle the situation.  Until last night, it wasn't even us coping with this; it was just me.  Therein, lies point of this post.  I've discovered a key element of successfully coping with PPD.  One absolutely must have a solid support system.

Last night was a breaking point for me.  My husband and I got into a huge fight over the behavior I didn't even realize I was exhibiting, which led to a long discussion.  Communication is important in any relationship but a MUST after bringing a new baby into the family.  Our hormones of out of whack and do crazy things to our minds.  We need to communicate our feelings to our partners.  They aren't mind-readers (especially if they're men).  The brains of men and women do not work the same way.  We can use clues and behavior to decipher what our male partners might be feeling or what they might need, but they can't do this for us.  We have to spell it out and thoroughly explain what we need from them.  That's  just the way it is, and it isn't something to be upset about.  Men and women are just wired differently.  Sooo... after arguing, lots of talking, and lots of crying (while trying to hold it back), my husband got the message.  I need support in this.

At my absolute worst point last night, he forcibly held me (because I was so full of anger and so tense that I refused to be touched), and let me cry.  I finally, FINALLY relaxed and just let go.  I don't think I've ever cried like that in my life.  I needed that support; I needed to know it was OK to express my feelings; I needed him to attempt to understand.

I have an amazing husband.  As terrible as last night was, emotionally, he really helped me take a step forward.  It might be a very small step, but it's a step.

If you think you might be dealing with PPD or PSS, try to find some sort of support system for yourself. Communicate with someone you trust, and don't be ashamed of what is happening inside your head.  It's more common than you might think.  If you would like to read more about PPD, visit the links below and/or talk to your doctor.

By the way, music helps me a great deal.  My favorite right now?  Tracy Chapman, "I'm Ready".  I've loved this song for years and find it particularly calming now.

Helpful Links:
"Is Anger a Sign of Postpartum Depression?"
Postpartum Depression (BabyCenter)
Postpartum Depression Health Center
Managing Postpartum Depression (read through the tab options)

Support for Stay At Home Moms

Spending time with your little one all day is amazing, but if you're starting to feel like your brain isn't working anymore or you are losing your sanity, there are many helpful ideas out there.  I'll share my advice, but I've also attached helpful links throughout this post.  I would never recommend a site that I have not thoroughly reviewed and used myself.

Own It
First of all, don't let anyone make you feel like less of a person for choosing to stay at home with your children.  When people ask what I do or if I'm still teaching, I almost cringe at the thought of answering.  I know I should not feel that way, but there are those ridiculous mothers who think I'm wasting my education and talents by staying home.  If someone isn't a mother and they criticize me, I genuinely do not care.  Other moms though?  As much as I don't want to let their comments bother me, they do.  However, those nay-sayers probably have no concept of just how much work is involved in what we do.  They also have no idea how rewarding it is, or they wouldn't make those faces or share their negative opinions. Perhaps they're even jealous.  Not all moms are cut out for this or have the opportunity.  This is who I am.  This what I do.  It's hard... and I love every spit-up covered, smelly, crying second of it.

Maintain Strong Friendships
You won't believe how lonely you will be on certain days.  Sure, you have the little one(s) to keep you busy, but as much as you talk to the babies, they can't really talk back.  Although, sometimes I think my daughter tries.  : )  You need to have at least 1 close friend you can lean on.  Your partner is obviously part of your support system, but if you're staying at home and the partner is working, you need some one else.  My husband works 12 hour days and is exhausted when he gets home.  The first few weeks, I bombarded him the second he walked in the door.  I needed to talk.  I needed to hear about his day and engage in stimulating conversation.  He needed to relax for a minute.  I need other friends to chat with.  You will too.

Tips:

• Make time each day for a phone conversation with a friend or a personal visit when possible.
• Take advantage of unexpected visitors.  Trust me, you'll have plenty of knocks on the door.  Babies draw crowds a mile long.
• If you have not already made a facebook account, do so!  You'll be surprised by how much support you'll receive from messages and posts.  : )
• Let family and friends help you when they offer.  Don't try to be Super Mom and do everything yourself if you don't have to.

Get a Hobby
Yes, you will be crazy busy with a new baby, but you need to find a hobby just for yourself.  When you do have a minute to entertain yourself, do something you enjoy.  Learn a knew skill, read a good book, reignite your love for drawing or whatever you like to do.
I've been trying to learn to cook.  : )  There will probably be posts about recipes, successes, and failures in days to come.

If you feel like you need more support, you can always join a moms' support group.  I've looked into a few, but the International Moms' Club looks promising.  There is a yearly fee, but it is affordable, and you get to meet with other moms in your area.

Additional Helpful Links:
"4 Things Every Stay-at-Home Mom Needs to Know"
Christian SAHM Support