I've written quite a bit about coping with postpartum issues, so if you're following my blog in hopes of more PPD info, I have a site for you to check out. I stumbled upon a post through my BloggyMoms feed that led me to a mom named Kimberly. She is yet another mother who has dealt with PPD, and she has compiled a fantastic list of helpful resources.
To visit Kimberly's site and check out some great PPD links, click here.
Showing posts with label postpartum depression. Show all posts
Showing posts with label postpartum depression. Show all posts
Saturday, October 30, 2010
Monday, October 25, 2010
PPD or PPSS: Finding a Solid Support System
If you have read my previous posts, you might have gathered that I seem to be finding myself confronting a bit of Postpartum Depression or Postpartum Stress Syndrome. I am not having difficulty with depression but am experiencing the other symptoms connected with PPD or PPSS. Since the birth of our daughter, I've been coping with insomnia, anxiety, intense guilt, and uncontrollable anger.
I've written about my experiences with insomnia and anger in previous posts and have done quite a bit of research on the subject. As we live 2.5 hours away from the nearest city and are on a very tight budget, I am not currently able to seek therapy or see a doctor for anti-depressants (which I don't want anyway).
My husband and I are trying to cope with things on our own at the moment. I think it is important to note that I am not angry or disconnected from my baby AT ALL. If that were the case, I would seek help from a professional regardless of cost. Coping with things on our own hasn't necessarily been the easiest or best way to handle the situation. Until last night, it wasn't even us coping with this; it was just me. Therein, lies point of this post. I've discovered a key element of successfully coping with PPD. One absolutely must have a solid support system.
Last night was a breaking point for me. My husband and I got into a huge fight over the behavior I didn't even realize I was exhibiting, which led to a long discussion. Communication is important in any relationship but a MUST after bringing a new baby into the family. Our hormones of out of whack and do crazy things to our minds. We need to communicate our feelings to our partners. They aren't mind-readers (especially if they're men). The brains of men and women do not work the same way. We can use clues and behavior to decipher what our male partners might be feeling or what they might need, but they can't do this for us. We have to spell it out and thoroughly explain what we need from them. That's just the way it is, and it isn't something to be upset about. Men and women are just wired differently. Sooo... after arguing, lots of talking, and lots of crying (while trying to hold it back), my husband got the message. I need support in this.
At my absolute worst point last night, he forcibly held me (because I was so full of anger and so tense that I refused to be touched), and let me cry. I finally, FINALLY relaxed and just let go. I don't think I've ever cried like that in my life. I needed that support; I needed to know it was OK to express my feelings; I needed him to attempt to understand.
I have an amazing husband. As terrible as last night was, emotionally, he really helped me take a step forward. It might be a very small step, but it's a step.
If you think you might be dealing with PPD or PSS, try to find some sort of support system for yourself. Communicate with someone you trust, and don't be ashamed of what is happening inside your head. It's more common than you might think. If you would like to read more about PPD, visit the links below and/or talk to your doctor.
By the way, music helps me a great deal. My favorite right now? Tracy Chapman, "I'm Ready". I've loved this song for years and find it particularly calming now.
Helpful Links:
"Is Anger a Sign of Postpartum Depression?"
Postpartum Depression (BabyCenter)
Postpartum Depression Health Center
Managing Postpartum Depression (read through the tab options)
I've written about my experiences with insomnia and anger in previous posts and have done quite a bit of research on the subject. As we live 2.5 hours away from the nearest city and are on a very tight budget, I am not currently able to seek therapy or see a doctor for anti-depressants (which I don't want anyway).
My husband and I are trying to cope with things on our own at the moment. I think it is important to note that I am not angry or disconnected from my baby AT ALL. If that were the case, I would seek help from a professional regardless of cost. Coping with things on our own hasn't necessarily been the easiest or best way to handle the situation. Until last night, it wasn't even us coping with this; it was just me. Therein, lies point of this post. I've discovered a key element of successfully coping with PPD. One absolutely must have a solid support system.
Last night was a breaking point for me. My husband and I got into a huge fight over the behavior I didn't even realize I was exhibiting, which led to a long discussion. Communication is important in any relationship but a MUST after bringing a new baby into the family. Our hormones of out of whack and do crazy things to our minds. We need to communicate our feelings to our partners. They aren't mind-readers (especially if they're men). The brains of men and women do not work the same way. We can use clues and behavior to decipher what our male partners might be feeling or what they might need, but they can't do this for us. We have to spell it out and thoroughly explain what we need from them. That's just the way it is, and it isn't something to be upset about. Men and women are just wired differently. Sooo... after arguing, lots of talking, and lots of crying (while trying to hold it back), my husband got the message. I need support in this.
At my absolute worst point last night, he forcibly held me (because I was so full of anger and so tense that I refused to be touched), and let me cry. I finally, FINALLY relaxed and just let go. I don't think I've ever cried like that in my life. I needed that support; I needed to know it was OK to express my feelings; I needed him to attempt to understand.
I have an amazing husband. As terrible as last night was, emotionally, he really helped me take a step forward. It might be a very small step, but it's a step.
If you think you might be dealing with PPD or PSS, try to find some sort of support system for yourself. Communicate with someone you trust, and don't be ashamed of what is happening inside your head. It's more common than you might think. If you would like to read more about PPD, visit the links below and/or talk to your doctor.
By the way, music helps me a great deal. My favorite right now? Tracy Chapman, "I'm Ready". I've loved this song for years and find it particularly calming now.
Helpful Links:
"Is Anger a Sign of Postpartum Depression?"
Postpartum Depression (BabyCenter)
Postpartum Depression Health Center
Managing Postpartum Depression (read through the tab options)
Tuesday, October 19, 2010
Postpartum Stress Syndrome: Angry New Mom?
As mothers, we are all familiar with postpartum depression. Most hospitals make us speak with a social worker before granting us release. This is supposed to ensure we are aware of the signs and know whom to contact to get help. When my daughter was born, I was so incredibly happy to have a healthy baby (after a problematic and terrifying delivery) that I couldn't even fathom being depressed. Since Emma's birth, I've found myself increasingly happy when with my child. I've battled depression my entire life, but Emma has finally taught me what it feels like to literally be OK. When I'm with her, for the first time EVER, I am honestly 100% happy.
The second I put her down and attempt cleaning, cooking, tending to my blog, perusing my Facebook, leaving my house, or even look at my dog... I am overwhelmed with anger. I just assumed my confrontational side had gotten worse as a result of being cooped up in the house all day and being away from all friends and family. Because my husband has to work diligently to manage his anger as well, I decided to do some research about teaching children how to cope with anger issues. If Emma is anything like her parents, she will need to know how to express herself in healthy ways.
However, while researching, I found a link to "Is Anger a Sign of Postpartum Depression", at BabyCenter, and began reading. Oh my goodness! Apparently, if you are experiencing anger without the other major symptoms of postpartum depression, you could be dealing with Postpartum Stress Syndrome. Why haven't I heard of this before? Why didn't the social worker or doctors mention this at the hospital?
If you think you might be dealing with an uncharacteristically new anger problem, visit the link above. There is a thorough description about the stress syndrome and many firsthand accounts from other moms who have responded to the link.
My Personal Struggle:
I never get angry with my baby; I do find myself frustrated with my husband; but most obviously, I HATE everyone else in the entire world. I absolutely have no tolerance for ignorant comments, "friends" who don't talk to me for more than a day, anyone who posts a stupid (and I am the only authority on what is appropriate and what isn't) status on Facebook, dramatic girls, exaggerations, gossip... ANYTHING. The slightest movement, unnecessary noise, annoying voice, or even an idiot walking down the street causes me to lose it. This evening, it took every single bit of will-power I had left in me to refrain from yelling through my window at this moron in my neighborhood. Why? Because he stopped and petted my neighbors' dog for far too long. I realize how ridiculous that sounds, but honestly, I was shaking with anger as I watched him. Oh, and the pitying looks I receive from neighbors as I take my daughter for walks? **Shutter** Yes, because staying home with my child must mean I'm lonely and depressed. I want to punch them in their ugly, condescending faces. There is so much rage in my body. I've been saying for weeks that I just need to find a good fight and get it out of my system. I'm attacking people (verbally) left and right for no reason at all. Well, I think I have adequate reason, but no one else seems to agree. I just feel like I have gone insane and lost all control of myself.
What bothers me the most is that I've lost the person I used to be. I deeply care about everyone I come in contact with, and I have a huge heart. If I'm around someone who is sad or crying, I'm sad and crying too. I think I empathize with people very well. I'm always the first to defend others and try to rationalize why people act the way they do.... What is happening to me? I'm turning into an angry, cynical, judgmental psychopath. I don't want to be this person.
I know I should be embarrassed about the way I'm feeling and keep it to myself, but if there are other moms out there who are in similar situations, I want you to know you are not alone. Seeking some sort of therapy is crucial to overcoming this issue. Obviously, if you are taking the anger out on your child or even in front of your child, finding a way to help yourself is extremely urgent. If you have no idea where to turn, try to find all of the stuff you brought home from the hospital. There are phone numbers to call in all of those packets. If you don't find what you're looking for on the first try, I'm sure the people you speak to will refer you to someone who can help. If you have no numbers to call, Google your city, "postpartum", and "psychologist". You'll be able to find something. Lastly, if you're like me and can't get to a therapist for help, try to Google coping strategies and do your best to practice them on your own.
The second I put her down and attempt cleaning, cooking, tending to my blog, perusing my Facebook, leaving my house, or even look at my dog... I am overwhelmed with anger. I just assumed my confrontational side had gotten worse as a result of being cooped up in the house all day and being away from all friends and family. Because my husband has to work diligently to manage his anger as well, I decided to do some research about teaching children how to cope with anger issues. If Emma is anything like her parents, she will need to know how to express herself in healthy ways.
However, while researching, I found a link to "Is Anger a Sign of Postpartum Depression", at BabyCenter, and began reading. Oh my goodness! Apparently, if you are experiencing anger without the other major symptoms of postpartum depression, you could be dealing with Postpartum Stress Syndrome. Why haven't I heard of this before? Why didn't the social worker or doctors mention this at the hospital?
If you think you might be dealing with an uncharacteristically new anger problem, visit the link above. There is a thorough description about the stress syndrome and many firsthand accounts from other moms who have responded to the link.
My Personal Struggle:
I never get angry with my baby; I do find myself frustrated with my husband; but most obviously, I HATE everyone else in the entire world. I absolutely have no tolerance for ignorant comments, "friends" who don't talk to me for more than a day, anyone who posts a stupid (and I am the only authority on what is appropriate and what isn't) status on Facebook, dramatic girls, exaggerations, gossip... ANYTHING. The slightest movement, unnecessary noise, annoying voice, or even an idiot walking down the street causes me to lose it. This evening, it took every single bit of will-power I had left in me to refrain from yelling through my window at this moron in my neighborhood. Why? Because he stopped and petted my neighbors' dog for far too long. I realize how ridiculous that sounds, but honestly, I was shaking with anger as I watched him. Oh, and the pitying looks I receive from neighbors as I take my daughter for walks? **Shutter** Yes, because staying home with my child must mean I'm lonely and depressed. I want to punch them in their ugly, condescending faces. There is so much rage in my body. I've been saying for weeks that I just need to find a good fight and get it out of my system. I'm attacking people (verbally) left and right for no reason at all. Well, I think I have adequate reason, but no one else seems to agree. I just feel like I have gone insane and lost all control of myself.
What bothers me the most is that I've lost the person I used to be. I deeply care about everyone I come in contact with, and I have a huge heart. If I'm around someone who is sad or crying, I'm sad and crying too. I think I empathize with people very well. I'm always the first to defend others and try to rationalize why people act the way they do.... What is happening to me? I'm turning into an angry, cynical, judgmental psychopath. I don't want to be this person.
I know I should be embarrassed about the way I'm feeling and keep it to myself, but if there are other moms out there who are in similar situations, I want you to know you are not alone. Seeking some sort of therapy is crucial to overcoming this issue. Obviously, if you are taking the anger out on your child or even in front of your child, finding a way to help yourself is extremely urgent. If you have no idea where to turn, try to find all of the stuff you brought home from the hospital. There are phone numbers to call in all of those packets. If you don't find what you're looking for on the first try, I'm sure the people you speak to will refer you to someone who can help. If you have no numbers to call, Google your city, "postpartum", and "psychologist". You'll be able to find something. Lastly, if you're like me and can't get to a therapist for help, try to Google coping strategies and do your best to practice them on your own.
Thursday, October 7, 2010
Postpartum Insomnia: Help!!!
It is well past midnight, and here I sit. I've gone through periods in my life where sleeping has been difficult, but I've never experienced anything like this. It seems to be taking over, and like many other moms dealing with this, I am at a breaking point.
According to an article I read by Olivia Gordon from The Sunday Times, postpartum insomnia (or postnatal insomnia) can morph from difficulty sleeping after the baby is born into a chronic habit. Many women have trouble sleeping in the first few weeks after delivery. This is natural, especially if breast feeding. The baby needs to eat every 2 hours or so and hasn't quite fallen into a routine. Eventually, the baby begins sleeping through the night, and the mom is supposed to let out a sigh of relief and get much needed rest as well. What are you supposed to do when that doesn't happen??
My daughter is 4 months old today. She has been sleeping through the night for months, but I can't sleep. If I do fall asleep, it seems to be around 3:30 in the morning. The baby wakes up at 5:30. Yay for me! Two whole hours of sleep! Even when I do fall asleep, the slightest movement or noise wakes me because my body is so on edge. Oh, and what do I do from the time I try to go to bed until the time I actually succumb to the overwhelming desire to rest? Why, I imagine the absolute most terrifying, horrific scenarios possible, of course! My brain is on overdrive and pulls my heart through the ringer. I can't stop thinking. The worst part is that the house is dark, the husband is asleep and does not understand at all, and I obsess over the baby monitor. I hear sounds that do not exist. I am completely alone and can't stop my brain from dragging me into these horribly dark places.
Morning finally comes and as happy as I am to see daylight and have the baby to distract me, I know that I'm only getting up to do the same thing all over again. I'm exhausted, so forget accomplishing anything productive around the house.
For many women, postpartum insomnia is part of postpartum depression, but I don't have the depression. I find myself incredibly depressed in the middle of the night when I'm in those pits of darkness, but during the day, I'm the happiest I've ever been. I don't know what to do, but I know this has to stop.
My husband actually calmed me down enough tonight to where I felt as though I would fall asleep. Just as I was drifting off, he woke me up. Naturally, he came back to bed and immediately passed out as soon as his head hit the pillow. This isn't fair.
Every article I'm reading says to try sleeping pills. All of the women say they didn't want to take medication to help with sleeping but regretted waiting so long once they finally decided to start. I know I should probably find some sort of pill to take, but my fear is that I won't wake up if the baby needs me. What if I'm so out of it that I don't hear her cry? Lord knows my husband wouldn't wake up if a train came crashing through the house. Plus, I hate taking medicine anyway. I feel as though I'm alone on an island here. I wouldn't mind trying therapy (recommended in another article I read), but I live 2 and a half hours from the nearest city. It isn't possible at the moment.
I don't know what to do, but it is slightly comforting knowing that postpartum insomnia is a real problem, and I'm not just losing my mind. I need help.
If you think you might be suffering from postpartum (or postnatal) insomnia, I've included links to a few interesting articles below.
Sunday Times
When It Isn't the Baby Keeping You Awake
Insomnia in the Postpartum Period
Therapy Instead of Meds
According to an article I read by Olivia Gordon from The Sunday Times, postpartum insomnia (or postnatal insomnia) can morph from difficulty sleeping after the baby is born into a chronic habit. Many women have trouble sleeping in the first few weeks after delivery. This is natural, especially if breast feeding. The baby needs to eat every 2 hours or so and hasn't quite fallen into a routine. Eventually, the baby begins sleeping through the night, and the mom is supposed to let out a sigh of relief and get much needed rest as well. What are you supposed to do when that doesn't happen??
My daughter is 4 months old today. She has been sleeping through the night for months, but I can't sleep. If I do fall asleep, it seems to be around 3:30 in the morning. The baby wakes up at 5:30. Yay for me! Two whole hours of sleep! Even when I do fall asleep, the slightest movement or noise wakes me because my body is so on edge. Oh, and what do I do from the time I try to go to bed until the time I actually succumb to the overwhelming desire to rest? Why, I imagine the absolute most terrifying, horrific scenarios possible, of course! My brain is on overdrive and pulls my heart through the ringer. I can't stop thinking. The worst part is that the house is dark, the husband is asleep and does not understand at all, and I obsess over the baby monitor. I hear sounds that do not exist. I am completely alone and can't stop my brain from dragging me into these horribly dark places.
Morning finally comes and as happy as I am to see daylight and have the baby to distract me, I know that I'm only getting up to do the same thing all over again. I'm exhausted, so forget accomplishing anything productive around the house.
For many women, postpartum insomnia is part of postpartum depression, but I don't have the depression. I find myself incredibly depressed in the middle of the night when I'm in those pits of darkness, but during the day, I'm the happiest I've ever been. I don't know what to do, but I know this has to stop.
My husband actually calmed me down enough tonight to where I felt as though I would fall asleep. Just as I was drifting off, he woke me up. Naturally, he came back to bed and immediately passed out as soon as his head hit the pillow. This isn't fair.
Every article I'm reading says to try sleeping pills. All of the women say they didn't want to take medication to help with sleeping but regretted waiting so long once they finally decided to start. I know I should probably find some sort of pill to take, but my fear is that I won't wake up if the baby needs me. What if I'm so out of it that I don't hear her cry? Lord knows my husband wouldn't wake up if a train came crashing through the house. Plus, I hate taking medicine anyway. I feel as though I'm alone on an island here. I wouldn't mind trying therapy (recommended in another article I read), but I live 2 and a half hours from the nearest city. It isn't possible at the moment.
I don't know what to do, but it is slightly comforting knowing that postpartum insomnia is a real problem, and I'm not just losing my mind. I need help.
If you think you might be suffering from postpartum (or postnatal) insomnia, I've included links to a few interesting articles below.
Sunday Times
When It Isn't the Baby Keeping You Awake
Insomnia in the Postpartum Period
Therapy Instead of Meds
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