Monday, October 18, 2010

Baby Speak: Yep... I'm THAT Mom.

Why is it that we feel compelled to speak an entirely different language once we pop out a kid?  I mean, isn't the objective when speaking to a baby to model and teach language?  Our normal language?  I'm quite convinced babies are secret geniuses playing us for mere entertainment.  After all, they're understanding about 5 different languages by the time they're 2 years old.  They are forced to learn our absurd ways as we transition from phase to phase of this bizarre "baby speak".

When they're newborns, we speak in calming tones, read random books or articles, and pretty much keep our overwhelming desire for "oooos" and "aaahhhhs" under wraps until the wee one reaches about a month of age.

At about a month, we start the variations in pitch.  We're exploring all sorts of octaves and are already omitting complete sentences.

Two to three months in, we're deduced to full blown sounds only.  We insist on repeating vowels and consonants in the desperate hope that our future Harvard graduate will jump the gun and repeat every sound we make.

Then... it hits us.  With a swift punch to the face, our brains are completely taken over.  Our babies are smiling and laughing at us!  We are the FUNNIEST people on the planet!  Why?  Because we add "sies" to the end of every object, of course!  Why, I'll even grace you with a sampling of a top secret conversation my daughter and I had before bath time this evening.

Me:  "We just gotta get these little handsies and these little feetsies out of your clothesies.  Then, we'll take off the diapee and ruuuuuuuuuun (high pitch) to the baffffy!!!"

Emma:  (insert laughter here)

Yep... I'm that mom.  I'm an educated professional.  I read quite a bit.  I try to stay current on social issues and politics.  I'm opinionated and outspoken.  I'm even known to be snobby around the occasional ignoramus; and I speak "baby".


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