Tuesday, October 26, 2010

Dealing With Those Single Friends (with no babies) Who Just Don't Get It

Does anyone else out there have single friends who just don't seem to understand that things change when you have a baby???  I'm 25, and the majority of my single friends are my age or younger.  It's a fact that young adults are self-absorbed and egocentric.  This is merely part of the developmental process in adolescents.  In today's society, the adolescent phase is lasting longer and longer.  Even worse, this generation of young adults has an overwhelming sense of entitlement.  I like to think I'm just old enough to have missed that boat.  :-)

Given all of this information, I try to empathize with my slightly younger, single and baby-free friends.  There is no possible way for them to completely understand how my life is different now.  I have a child.  She is the absolute most important being in my entire life.  I have an amazing husband who has experienced life changing events with me.  Our bond is stronger because of it.  We also came very close to losing our daughter during the delivery, so perhaps I'm even more obsessed with my kid.  I don't know, but my point is that nothing in the world is as important as my daughter and our little life as a family.

When you have a child (and experience a scary delivery like we did), you realize what is truly important in life.  I don't know if other moms feel the same way, but I have no patience for trivial things.  I have no tolerance for drama or meaningless dribble.  I don't overanalyze relationships anymore.  I don't worry about little comments.  I know who my close friends are, and I love my life.  I am who I am.  I'm honest (to a fault sometimes), and you get what you get with me.  That's it.  So forgive me when I get frustrated with "friends" who overdramatize the things I say or do.  Stop looking for things that aren't there.  I don't want to participate in this drama dance.  It isn't important to me.  I'm sorry.  Life is too short to engage in unnecessary arguments.

How do we go about explaining this to those friends?  "I'm sorry?  You're just not as important as you think you are?  Get over yourself?"  That seems a little harsh, but I'm at a loss.  No matter what I say, she just doesn't get it.  I don't need this....

Now... let me get back to that beautiful little girl....


  1. Aww what a beautiful girl you have. Thanks for the follow I'm following you now. Sometimes you have to think of whether or not its still worth keeping a friend if there's no commonailty. Good luck in that.

  2. So glad to be a new friend. You have the most beautiful baby. She just melts my heart, those cheeks are out of this world.
    I love everything you have said, I read your last post too and I have been there and now my kids are there. My most recently married son is going through a lot of this. It is so good to find out from everybody that this is so common. Life does settle down and all of those frustrating feelings calm too. I remember crying all the time and how wonderful it is that you have a supportive husband. I hope you find joy and friendship in fellow bloggers. I sure have.

    Also in my darkest hours, I have read a lot. I really like fantasy novels with kingdoms, and power struggles, etc. good vs. evil and as I read I kept thinking, well my life isn't that bad, I am not a slave to some ruler and starving and watching my family die because of hunger. Wierd, but it really helped me. Of course there are all kinds of books out there, but I think reading is great therapy. Thanks for becoming a new blog friend.

  3. I must agree, your little pumpkin, is gorgeous! Thanks for the follow:) Got ya back! As for friends, YES, I know this 'Syndrome well', the 'Single friend syndrome', if you will.

    I try and be patient with them, because they know not what they do. They can't understand something, that they have never experienced before. All that they feel is the loss of your friendship. I don't think they mean to be over-bearing and/or pushy.

    You can try and explain it to them, or just show them, by being busy a lot, which I'm sure you are, and eventually they will regress a bit, but chewing them out, likely won't be helpful. You'll likely just lose a friend.

    I understand your frustration, believe me, and no they won't 'Get it', until they have their own miracle placed inside of their arms, just remember that. Could you imagine such love, before you had this child?

    I don't know, that is the way I try and think of it. Your little girl, has the most amazing smile. Congratulations!

    xoxo Shelly


  4. Too cute!!

    Hi, I am your newest follower...here's mine:

  5. I had my first at 24 and all of my friends didn't get it! So I'm w/ya and you will just have to wait til they either have a kid or substantially mature. Even some adults w/out kids don't get it.


  6. Stopping by from Travel Thru Thurs hop

    I'm GFC following