On October 23, I started the following post:
I was going to wait until I had actually lost some of the baby weight before blogging about it. I wanted to share words of wisdom and the miraculous trick that will work for everyone.... Hahahahahahaha, it's only the first day of my top secret diet plan. I'm writing because I'm craving sweets and absolutely CANNOT cave!
Hopefully, I'll have more posts to come regarding tips for losing weight. For now, we'll just start with analyzing the term "baby weight." Let's get real. The weight isn't because of the baby. It's because we indulge in the delight of unnecessary, editable treats throughout our pregnancies and (if you're anything like me) after the baby is born. Being pregnant is the best excuse in the world to eat as much of whatever you want. :-) I did gain quite a bit of weight in my pregnancy, but thankfully lost about 14lbs in the beginning. It ended up balancing out. Immediately following the birth was the worst part for me.
I had to have an emergency c-section. All of my plans for wearing Spanx everyday and compressing the remnants of my baby belly flew straight out the window. Wearing compression garments after the birth is supposed to help shrink your uterus back to size (or so I've heard). I was also going to walk everyday, right away. Well, you're quite sore after a c-section, especially when you refuse to take your pain pills. Even with the soreness, if you still try to get in some physical activity, like I did, you might overdo it.... like I did. Plus, I had a terrible time breastfeeding, my daughter was starving for days and lost too much weight, I felt inexplicable guilt, blah, blah, blah. Eventually, I conceded. I gave up. I just wanted to spend time with her and stop obsessing with the weight all the time. It had only been a couple weeks. I would get there....
Today, November 6:
While I was writing that first post, my computer freaked out and I thought I had lost everything I had typed. Annoyed, I closed my laptop and started doing something else. Well, I just found the draft and have been thinking about this quite a bit. A friend of mine is trying to shed some pounds and get healthy as well, and I'm realizing so many of us deal with the same issues. I've struggled with my weight since I was a child, but my pregnancy has been the biggest factor in my size to date. I'm the heaviest I've EVER been, and I can't just get rid of it like I used to. For all of my thin, pregnant friends out there, if you've never had weight issues, you're probably not going to balloon up after your pregnancy. Don't worry too much. You'll probably have some evidence of a stretched uterus, but for the most part, your body should go back to normal. Regardless of what some skinny people want to believe, some of this stuff is just genetic and reinforced by the environments in which we are raised.
I'm not making excuses or saying it's the fault of those large, intimidating German and Dutch ancestors of mine that I'm fat. I'm saying genetics play a role, hereditary traits (depression, anxiety), learned eating habits, traumatic situations, all of these things factor into how we take care of our bodies. It's going to be more difficult for me to lose this weight when I'm predisposed to being this way. Soo... my point... if you're freaking out about losing the baby weight or just losing weight in general, you're not alone.
I'm going to try to be honest (inspired by a dear friend) about this struggle and write about it. I definitely did cave on my first attempt at dieting (2 days after the first draft above was written), but I'm starting over. In order to combat my obsession with food, I need to confront it head on and be honest for the first time in my life. Some of my stories will shock my family and friends, but I hope the things I share can help another mom out there who is battling the same demons.